When I was first starting out in my career, I had a manager that was incredibly hard on me. He directly hired me and then made it known very early on that he expected a lot of me and knew I was capable. If I ever f**ked up, he came down on me like a ton of bricks.
It wasn’t always easy but it instilled confidence in me, as well as the belief that I had to graft hard for my success. As a result, I learned so much, climbed my way up very quickly, and have had so many opportunities because of the work ethic he instilled in me. I have never really needed to apply for a job because I come so highly recommended. He was the best mentor anyone could ever hope for and he still comes round for dinner with my wife and I to this day. I consider him a friend now, more than anything.
I have always wanted to pass on the similar wisdom when I had a chance, and now I manage a team of young Gen Z staff, but the opposite is happening – and I would say I am much less forceful than my mentor.
They are incredibly defensive and sensitive to any small bit of feedback I give them that it is so impossible to nurture them and help them grow. I don’t know how to manage them. How do I get through to them that the way to grow is to be challenged and improve?
Nick, 51
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Landé Belo is the group legal director and employment counsel for Kantar, an international market research company based in London. In 2006, she founded one of the UK’s first virtual law firms and has worked as a legal consultant for several global technology companies. Belo was a winner at this year’s Black British Business Awards 2025, awarded senior leader in the Professional Services category. Parallel to her legal career, she is a passionate theatre director and producer. Here’s her advice.
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It’s clear you only have good intentions when it comes to your desire to nurture the talents of your team. Mentorship really matters. It continues to be an incredibly valuable and impactful tool, particularly for young workers in their early careers.
New research spanning 200,000 employees and 30,000 managers in nearly 100 countries shows that over a seven-year period, workers who were mentored by a great manager earned about 13 per cent more than workers with no exposure to one. The findings also showed that good managers don’t only inspire workers – they see their strengths and weaknesses and reallocate them into roles where they can succeed.
From the sounds of it, you were the beneficiary of a great manager, whose influence has had a long-lasting impact, and you’re frustrated at a team who seem not too receptive to your efforts. I have a lot of sympathy for you and your endeavours, because I am of that generation. I get it. But as much as feedback is important, it must be done correctly.
Are they defensive or do you need to change your approach?
Intergenerational workplaces are no longer optional – they’re inevitable. Gen Z often gets criticised for being “too sensitive to feedback”. But the reality is far more nuanced. No generation is a fixed way. With anything in life, you apply filters to whatever you do. The way you address your child is going to be very different to the way you address your parents, or your colleagues, and so on. Adjusting your approach doesn’t make you inauthentic; it makes you effective.
I do believe some Gen Z thrive better in collaborative environments. That’s not weakness; it’s a preference shaped by cultural and technological shifts. If something isn’t working with your younger team, it’s not about abandoning your values, it’s about finding language and methods that resonate.
Share stories of how you personally have overcome setbacks. Invite your team to share what they’re struggling with. These exchanges build trust and human connection. When people feel heard, they’re more open to feedback and more willing to contribute ideas.
Start listening more – you might learn something
The mentors who affected me most weren’t the ones who rushed to fix things, but the ones who truly listened. Solutions aren’t always what people need. Sometimes, feedback isn’t even necessary. What matters is creating space for an open dialogue.
Ask each team member how they prefer to receive feedback. Some may want written notes. Some may want a verbal discussion. These shows that you respect people’s different ways of working. This isn’t just about style, it’s about autonomy. Giving people choice shows respect for their working preferences and avoids dictating terms.
Listening is an amazing superpower that we always underestimate because we spend so much time talking. Yet people are constantly telling you who they are, if you have the curiosity to engage, infer, and ask questions. Listening empowers others. It signals that their voice matters and their opinions count. That’s the foundation of trust and psychological safety.
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Create a culture of openness
If people don’t feel safe, that’s when they’re defensive, and barriers come up. But if someone feels safe, even when they are the shyest person, you’ll see them blossom. Share your own setbacks, let them see your vulnerability. Let them know that failure is absolutely fine.
If you still feel they need to “toughen up’” then help them with coping strategies – that can be achieved through mentoring and giving them incremental challenges. Rather than saying, “You’re not good at this, be better” – which clearly isn’t working for you – do it in a piecemeal way, and help them with things that they find difficult. For instance, maybe someone finds public speaking terrifying, relate to them, be vulnerable with them and tell them what has helped you. You might find they respond to you a bit better.
Celebrate achievements as much as you feedback
The tough love approach from your manager may have worked for you, but it doesn’t work for everyone. Everyone faces adversity and life is hard, but resilience shouldn’t always be this badge of honour.
At the same time, feedback is a word that no one likes. People can tell you loads of wonderful things, and one negative thing, and you’ll only focus on the negative. It’s human nature, and something we’ve seen this generation struggles with.
Celebrate achievements regularly. It’s easy to focus on the things that don’t work and aren’t going our way, but this is where your responsibility as a manager and a mentor comes in: encourage the team and remind them of the positives.
Use language such as: “The last time we spoke, you had that challenge, and since then, you’ve done X, Y, Z to overcome that.”
Feedback in an action-based way
Feedback should be action-based rather than label-driven. Labels like “aggressive” or “lazy” oversimplify people and ignore context: none of us is one way all the time. Instead, we should focus on observable actions, which I believe is especially necessary for Gen Z.
This is something I use in both my legal and my theatre career. For example, when looking at text in theatre, rather than saying, “This character is angry”, I encourage actors to think in terms of action: “This character is berating the other person”.
Similarly, in the workplace, avoid statements like: “This employee is poor at timekeeping.” Instead, frame it as: “Punctuality is a critical requirement for this role, and this criterion hasn’t been met.”
This removes judgement and directs the focus on behaviours that can change. It also fosters collaboration. Use language like: “Let’s work together to meet these objectives” rather than “You need to fix this”. The latter can feel accusatory and trigger defensiveness.
Set rules on how feedback will be delivered
Feedback should have its own space and never be sprung on someone unexpectedly. Avoid slipping into feedback during unrelated meetings as it can erode trust.
If feedback must happen in a team forum, set expectations upfront: share an agenda in advance and clearly state that feedback will be discussed. This gives people time to prepare and prevents them from feeling blindsided.
Gen Z, in particular, values transparency and psychological safety in these interactions. There’s a tendency, especially with my generation, to hold a meeting about one thing, and by the end, you lapse into feedback, which wasn’t on the agenda in the first place. Don’t do that.
Seek mentoring opportunities outside of your company
If I were you, I would seek mentorship programmes to be a part of. If you have tried all the above and the team isn’t receptive to your desire to mentor them, then seek it out in other avenues.
I’m currently mentoring three people. We meet every month for an hour-long session, which is more like a structured talk. I put a lot of onus on the mentees to do their prep work, but the conversations are really all about them. You’re there more as a facilitator, a sounding board, so they can get things off their chest. Each time we set objectives for what we want to cover during the next session. I’ll give them prompts around where they envisage their careers going, or we might discuss major work quandaries – such as whether they want to stay or leave a role.
Mentorship and sponsorship are so important but so is sharing power. I think when that power is shared, people feel more valued and they’re willing to contribute their ideas.
