A New Vision for Death and Remembrance
“Mind” is written, but “money” is read. This phrase from The Death Director’s Diary by Pastor Song Gilwon, founder of Hi Family, highlights a growing trend in modern funeral culture. Today, mobile obituaries often include funeral schedules along with messages like “Where to send your condolences,” followed by the family’s bank account number. In some cases, people may only remember exchanging a single business card with the deceased. What kind of “condolences” should be sent in such relationships? Ultimately, it’s not about sympathy, but about receiving funeral gifts.
Pastor Song aims to change this culture. His goal is to improve Protestant funeral practices, which led him to become an “ending planner” or “death director.” Here, “ending” doesn’t mean finishing, but rather connecting—linking life and death in a meaningful way.
A Unique Path in Protestant Ministry
Pastor Song is a unique figure in Protestant circles. Unlike many who serve as senior pastors, he has never held that role. After graduating from Kosin University’s theological seminary and receiving ordination, he began his pastoral work as a chaplain at Kosin University’s medical school and Gospel Nursing College. In 1992, he founded the “Christian Family Ministry Research Institute,” an unfamiliar name at the time, and started family ministry.
His inspiration came from a visit to American churches in the early 1990s. U.S. churches had pamphlets for “singles in their 30s,” “divorcees,” and “parenting classes,” offering counseling. These were issues Korean churches avoided discussing openly. Eventually, they followed that path.
Yet pioneering new paths is difficult. Pastor Song has written over 60 books, proposing ideas like “couple seminars,” “sexual harassment prevention workshops,” and “pre-marriage schools,” addressing socially necessary issues from a Protestant perspective. He has also published over 10 books on death, including The Birth of Death.
Creating a Protestant Theme Park
After relocating from Busan, Ilsan, and Seoul’s Yangjae-dong, he moved to Yangpyeong, Gyeonggi Province, in 2017. On a hillside, he secured about 30,000 pyeong of space and created a “Protestant theme park.” This has become the foundation for his new ideas.
Among his ideas are the “Ambulance Wish Foundation” and small-scale Protestant funerals. The Ambulance Wish Foundation, previously covered in this column, provides vehicles and safety personnel for terminally ill patients to spend their final days with family outside the hospital. The “small funeral” connects to his current role as an ending planner.
Reimagining Funeral Traditions
A funeral hall is set up in the Hi Family auditorium in Yangpyeong. On the table (memorial table), instead of chrysanthemums, portraits of the deceased, photos capturing their happy times, and personal belongings used during their lifetime are displayed for remembrance. If the deceased painted, their artwork is exhibited; if they kept a diary, the diary is displayed. Even a back scratcher they used is exhibited. The concept is “heartfelt smiles.”
He also attempted to reform the condolence culture where “mind” is written but “money” is read. Pastor Song actually allowed mourners at funerals to write their “condolences” on postcards or memo notes.
Instead of funeral food like spicy beef soup, only light snacks are prepared, and those needing a meal are directed to nearby restaurants. Instead of hemp burial garments, the deceased is dressed in everyday clothes they loved. Paper coffins and paper urns are used to reduce carbon emissions during cremation. After cremation, the ashes are buried in a tree memorial.
Ending Parties: A Living Farewell
An ending party is not a posthumous funeral but a passionate farewell held while the person is still alive, of sound mind, with loved ones. It’s a chance to meet those they wanted to see, share stories they wished to tell, and resolve misunderstandings before passing.
Last year, actress Park Jeong-ja held a pre-funeral on a Gangneung beach with a similar concept. She invited about 100 cultural and artistic figures, including former Busan International Film Festival Executive Chairman Kim Dong-ho, Korea Museum Association Honorary Chairman Kim Jong-gyu, and actress Kang Bu-ja. Pastor Song introduced in his book the ending party of Deacon Shin Young-gyo, father of actress Shin Ae-ra, as a representative example.
A Personal Lesson in Preparing for the End
Pastor Song’s mother once asked him, her eldest son, if she could give her “family heirloom No. 1”—a lacquered wardrobe—to her second son, before her second major surgery.
The Song family moved frequently due to his father’s teaching post transfers. They always kept clothes in boxes, ready to move. His mother once lamented, “What kind of woman’s fate is it to never own a wardrobe? Even rural women have dressing tables. I’ve spent my life squatting to look in a hand mirror.” His father gifted her the lacquered wardrobe upon retiring.
When she asked to give it to her second son, Pastor Song snapped, “Mother, is this the time for such worries? You can do this later.” Her reply was, “Even a parent’s belongings feel awkward to take after death. A gift must be given before death, not after.”
Pastor Song didn’t understand then, but now as an ending planner, he realizes she was practicing “pre-death estate sorting,” a term that didn’t exist then.
Preparing for the Future
Pastor Song’s efforts to improve funeral culture are also about preparing for the future. He views the current funeral culture as a transitional or chaotic period—old systems have collapsed, but new alternatives haven’t taken root. Moreover, the MZ generation, who will lead future funerals, cannot tolerate unclear costs and irrational formalities. By around 2030, funeral decision-making power will shift to them.
At some point, funeral agencies began dictating funeral culture. As readers may have experienced, “funeral directors” “guide” the process—from armbands to schedules. Everything follows a “three-day, two-night” format without understanding the meaning behind each step.
A Call for Meaningful Farewells
Pastor Song’s critique is simple: at least when sending off family or loved ones, people should properly honor the basic time for remembrance. While the spirit may not change, the form must adapt to reality. It remains to be seen what impact his proposals will have on society.
