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READ MORE: Why you should stay SINGLE in your 20s, according to scientists
Are you in a relationship that seems destined to fail no matter how hard you try to fix it?
A new study has discovered there is a
‘point of no return’
where no matter how much either party tries,
the relationship is doomed
.
Researches from Johannes Gutenberg University Mainz in
Germany
This inevitable breaking point typically occurs anywhere between seven and 28 months prior to either partner ending the relationship.
The group identified two key stages in a clandestinely concluding failed relationship: a slow deterioration in contentment and what they termed the ‘turning point,’ beyond which no intervention can stop the dissolution.
Worse still, the individual who decides to end the partnership experiences this ‘final deterioration’ stage approximately one year prior to the person who gets abandoned.
As soon as that individual recognizes they are about to be abandoned, their contentment with the relationship plummets more rapidly than that of their discontented significant other.
Even though breakups might sometimes appear sudden, Bühler noted that this is not typically true—stating that couples experience numerous stages during their relationship and such endings do not occur instantly.
Nevertheless, there might be a method to salvage a struggling romance — provided you can identify the indications of a deteriorating relationship before reaching this crucial juncture.
Professor Janina Bühler, who led the study, cautioned: “When this final stage is attained, the relationship is destined to conclude.”
To determine when the metaphorical countdown begins for a partnership, scientists altered their approach to studying an unsuccessful relationship.
Rather than examining couples from the outset of their romantic relationships (time-since-beginning), Bühler concentrated on ‘time-until-separation.’ This approach aimed to determine the level of satisfaction each partner experienced leading directly up to when they decided to part ways.
Bühler’s discoveries, published in the
Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin
, derived from reviews of four studies carried out in Germany, Australia, the UK, and the Netherlands.
In these investigations, Bühler and co-author Ulrich Orth examined relationship satisfaction levels among 11,295 individuals who ultimately ended their partnerships.
They also examined a ‘control’ group that was nearly the same size who did not end their relationships.
Every study tracked pairs of partners over a span of 12 to 21 years, enquiring annually from these individuals regarding both their relational dynamics and general contentment with life.
The group identified a consistent trend in every unsuccessful relationship they examined.
Similar to how an individual’s mind evolves over time – progressing from rapid cognitive development post-birth to a gradual deterioration later in life – troubled partnerships underwent a barely noticeable descent that spanned many years prior to culminating in a dramatic collapse.
In certain instances, this gradual decrease period extended over a ten-year span, with relationship satisfaction levels slipping merely from approximately a nine out of 10 down to quite a positive eight out of 10.
Still, the study found that couples who were destined to break up hit the ‘transition point’ about two years before officially calling it quits with their partner.
That’s when they reported their satisfaction scores falling off a cliff – which the researchers called the ‘terminal phase.’
intriguingly, the group found out that there could be elements concealing this downward relational spiral from the individual on the verge of being left behind.
Despite experiencing a sharp decline in relationship happiness after reaching the final stage, they still maintained a relatively high assessment of their general life satisfaction.
The German team said
This rendered the final stage “less noticeable,” despite the countdown towards their separation continuing.
Out of all the individuals who remained with their beloved ones within the control group, the research found that not a single person among them reached the final stage of the illness.
The researchers noted that there’s still an opportunity to revive your waning affection – but this is possible solely during the gradual downturn known as the ‘pre-terminal phase.’
Bühler pointed out that the most important aspect is to recognize the decreasing satisfaction you or your partner are experiencing ‘before it starts to spiral downward quickly.’
So, if things are headed south,
what should you do?
Recently, psychotherapist Amy Morin identified over a dozen key characteristics that could ensure a relationship survives.
These points involve not overlooking issues within the relationship, avoiding attempts to change your partner’s imperfections, establishing limits for them, and most importantly, remembering the reasons that initially drew you to each other.
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