- He quit a well-paying engineering position to raise his four kids at home.
- His spouse earns $500,000 annually and contributes to the family’s financial support.
- He’s aware of what others might think and the potential job consequences, but he still feels this decision is in the best interest of his family.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Ken Mac, a 43-year-old stay-at-home father living in the Chicago area. It has been edited for length and clarity.
for the last seven years.
As an engineer at a global industrial manufacturing company, I had to leave when our third child was born. I was earning a six-figure salary when I left that job, and my wife was making a six-figure income as a chief marketing officer at a law firm, although her current salary is even higher.
I’d worked for the same company for 15 years and kind of enjoyed it.
I had the freedom to pursue projects that truly mattered to me. The environment was fantastic, and I formed many professional and personal connections.
When I told my colleagues I was leaving to become a stay-at-home dad, they were surprised that I’d give up such a high-paying job. They also were curious about my wife’s income, wondering how it allowed us to make such a lifestyle change.
When I was working in an office, I used to start my workday at 6 a.m., so my wife would take care of getting the kids up and ready for school in the morning, and after they were off to school, I’d return home and be in charge of childcare.
When our third child arrived, we recognized that our family setup required an adjustment.
I thought it was essential to have a parent at home taking care of our young children’s needs. Since my wife wasn’t prepared to put her rapidly advancing career on hold, I decided to prioritize being at home by putting my own career on hold instead.
it would’ve covered a significant chunk of my take-home pay.
I realized it was the right choice to take care of them on my own, but I was really nervous about the change. This wasn’t just a job change, it was a major shift in my life, and I was stepping into a responsibility that I wasn’t entirely sure I was ready for.
I have no regrets about anything in my life so far, but that doesn’t mean that I haven’t faced any difficulties or challenges.
I miss my professional life, including the sense of satisfaction I felt from my accomplishments and the relationships I’d built. Spending so much time with my kids has helped me form close bonds with them, but in doing so, I’ve had less time to nurture my friendships with adults and interact with my colleagues.
(Note: I’ve used the word “influence” to paraphrase “impact” and “satisfaction” to paraphrase “reward”)
This is not a typical way things are done. We don’t start out with traditional expectations – we just accept that this is how our family operates.
My girlfriend and I had been in a romantic relationship before this, and our relationship has been continuing to grow and evolve. Our love, respect, commitment, and attraction to each other aren’t based on job titles, and if anything, I find my girlfriend even more attractive, and I’m sure she’d agree.
I’m really proud of her for succeeding financially. In keeping with our relationship, it’s essential that we show respect and maintain open communication to prevent any resentment from building up.
My partner has shared with me that she sometimes feels like the “second choice” parent.
” for my wife.
I try to explain to her that being the go-to parent is a double-edged sword, with both the good and bad consequences. The status of being the favorite can change in a snap, just like the weather, swinging from one extreme to the other, often in a matter of seconds. One minute you’re on top of the world, and the next, you’re completely in the background, without a need for you.
Being a stay-at-home parent can be incredibly demanding, with no days off, no sick leave, and not even vacations. My special bond with my kids tells me that making that difficult decision to take this role was the right one, even on the tough days. “When they love you, it’s not just about the sweet moments of affection, it’s also about the extra work of helping with their homework, doing their bedtime routine multiple times a night, and being available to care for them when they get hurt.”
I work at least 12 hours a day, every single day of the week
With a household of six, it can feel like there’s always a mountain to climb when it comes to dishes, laundry, cleaning, and meal prep. For us, though, managing all of this never feels unfair. My wife and I work together as a team, taking on different responsibilities, but we don’t divide up tasks into strict categories – like household chores versus childcare.
My usual routine involves getting the kids up, taking them to and from school, managing the household chores, doing the dishes, doing laundry, playing with them, engaging in educational activities, preparing dinner, and assisting them with their homework. In addition, I’m responsible for coaching their sports teams.
I’ll assume the full responsibility.
My community consists almost entirely of mothers.
It’s been challenging for me to connect with fellow stay-at-home parents because most of them are mothers. In my experience, moms tend to be more at ease with other moms, making it a bit more time-consuming to establish that same level of comfort with a father.
One challenge that often comes up when meeting new families is “What do I do for a living?” – a question that frequently leaves me pausing before truthfully answering that I’m a stay-at-home dad. Sometimes, I’ve felt the pressure to also mention that I had a notable career before taking on this role.
People aren’t always supportive
One time I dealt with a situation between my second grader and her friends when it seemed like one kid was being left out. I approached the situation with sensitivity, including discussing it with my wife. The other parent didn’t agree with how I handled it and told my wife, “A mother would’ve handled it differently.”
I informed the mom that her child was free to speak with me because I have an engineering degree. She appeared to be surprised and stated, “And look where that degree landed you.”
One of the biggest things worrying me right now is what I’ll do when my kids have grown up.
If I had to go back to work for my family’s financial well-being, I would do whatever was necessary to support them.
Consider taking a hobby and turning it into a source of income. I’m nearly certain I won’t be returning to engineering, but I’ll be venturing into a different field instead.
Right now, I’m really enjoying that I get to understand my kids on a deeper level. I appreciate their distinct personalities and the humorous traits that make each of them so special, and I get to be a part of their daily lives.
Would you like to share your story with us? Please email Lauryn Haas at lhaas@.
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