- Take the stress out of Christmas with these tips, ticks and corner-cutting
Forget the most wonderful time of the year, the festive period can be the most stressful.
Family descend en masse, some you haven’t seen since last Christmas when you vowed never to do this again.
Tensions are high, the to-do list is long, and despite the fact you really should have learned from experience, you still find yourself labouring under the illusion that this could somehow be the December that turns out perfect.
You’ll cook a Michelin-standard meal, everyone will get on, the house will echo with the sweet tinkle of joy and laughter, and it will be the best day ever.
Of course, it won’t be. But that doesn’t mean you have to fall into the same trap as previous years.
This year, take note of a few tips and tricks, and a bit of corner-cutting, to reduce the pressure and enjoy a stress-free Christmas with minimum effort.
FOOD AND DRINK
1. You are no Nigella and that’s fine. Stop trying too hard and just make sure the big-ticket items on everyone’s plates are done well. Everyone cares about roast potatoes so make double the quantity you need.
Don’t worry about timings for anything other than the turkey – and never trust the timings on the turkey packaging (they’re always wrong).
Instead, invest in a meat thermometer so you avoid serving Auntie Enid a raw/still frozen leg and then never living it down.
2. Don’t try that new ambitious recipe you’ve never cooked before on Christmas Day. You might feel confident when you’re reading through it during the calm before the storm, but you will undoubtedly regret thinking that tackling some kind of restaurant-level starter, or stunning side dish with 50-odd ingredients, was a good idea when you’re caught up in the whirlwind of Christmas dinner and the fifth person in a row has just barrelled into the kitchen to ask, ‘Are you sure you don’t need any help?’ – as you spiral towards a nervous breakdown before midday.
3. Don’t worry about everything being hot. That’s what gravy’s for. Just make sure it’s piping hot and whack a load on everyone’s plate rather than leaving it in the boat for them to pour. That way they’ll never know that their lunch was actually lukewarm.
4. No, you do not need to decant the wine or let it ‘breathe’. Nobody cares, and it’s just another job. Open a bottle, pour it, then open another one.
FAMILY
5. Be brutal when you’re planning the day. If your divorced parents have argued across the table every Christmas Day since they split up, perhaps stop inviting both of them and come up with a different game plan. See one Christmas Day, one Boxing Day.
Or, if that one troublemaker is always a pain, maybe 2025 is the year to take a stand and strike them from the guest list – for everyone’s good.
6. Fake it until you make it. When your mother-in-law points out that your Yorkshires are flat or you’ve missed a spot of dust on the mantlepiece, plaster a smile on your face and let it go.
Getting shirty will achieve nothing more than letting her think she’s won. So, smile, breeze out of the room, neck a Snowball – and take solace in the fact that you won’t have to deal with any of it again for another 365 days.
7. If there’s little to no room at the inn, announce well in advance that your daughter’s boyfriend will be expected to sleep in a three-feet-long child’s Princess bed/the dog crate/a tent beside the log pile.
He may not like it, but he will appreciate enough warning to book a Travelodge rather than being greeted with this dire sleeping arrangement at 11pm on Christmas Eve when it’s too late to back out.
8. Identify your ‘safe space’ in advance of people arriving, so when the inevitable moment of rage bubbles over, you know exactly where you can escape to to take a deep breath.
And, with that in mind, make sure you’ve got your excuses ready – you need to walk the dog, check on the …. (insert any element of food that warrants a long absence). Anything that means you can escape before you stab someone with the carving knife.
SURVIVING CHRISTMAS DINNER
9. Plan the seating in advance. Mainly for self-preservation. But also to avoid any rows. Don’t put your son’s vegan girlfriend next to Uncle Alan who might wax lyrical about the tradition of the Boxing Day hunt – you’re literally asking for trouble.
10. If you get stuck next to the family bore at Christmas dinner prepare a strategy that allows you to get up from the table at regular intervals.
Perhaps you volunteer to be the designated plate clearer or wine pourer. Or get in there first and drown them out with a very lengthy account of your plans for a new extension or the ongoing row with your neighbour over the bins.
If all else fails, resort to out and out bribery of younger family members to take one for the team. Money talks.
11. Be careful with that ‘one Christmas drink’ at the pub, whether it’s you going or another member of the family, because we all know it’s never just one.
If you’re going, there’s every chance you’ll quaff too many drinks and end up slightly sozzled while trying to cook Christmas dinner, which will then be late, resulting in a load of hungry people and unnecessary stress.
And, if it’s someone else, there will be a row on the horizon after you’ve delayed Christmas dinner and tried to keep enough food for 5,000 people warm while you call them 19 times to tell them to come home.
Or, maybe just forget Christmas dinner and go to the pub instead – that way you can forget all the cooking and just enjoy the Christmas cheer and a cheeseboard for tea.
12. Steer clear of subjects that will cause a drama. Politics, electric cars, the Royal Family. In fact, pretty much everything.
Then again, you could let them play out in full force over the turkey, safe in the knowledge that you can save all the stress next year because no-one will come after the monumental argument that just occurred.
PRESENTS
13. Make zero apologies or excuses for not buying someone a gift when they’ve got you something. Look them straight in the eye and say: ‘I wasn’t expecting anything, I’m so touched’ and do not utter another word.
Absolutely do not rush upstairs to rustle under the wardrobe for a candle you received as a leaving gift* from work last summer. Re-gifting is always way too obvious.
*Consolation prize for being fired.
14. If you are going to give gifts, put at least a tiny bit of thought into them, otherwise it’s even worse than not giving anything at all.
Don’t buy a dog calendar for the relative whose beloved pooch died earlier in the year, or gorgeous earrings for your niece who desperately wants her ears pierced but has been expressly banned by your sister.
15. Don’t upstage children’s parents with your gifts. Yes, you’re trying to be generous by gifting them something pricey that they’ve coveted for weeks. But really you just look like the rich relative throwing their money around.
Not only will you rub their parents up the wrong way by making their own gifts look somewhat substandard – you’re setting the bar far too high for future years and by the time they’re 18 they’ll be expecting a car or trust fund from you rather than the standard fiver in a card.
DECORATIONS
16. As tempted as you might be to deep clean the house from top to bottom before people arrive, do not bother. It will be a mess of sweet wrappers and pine needles in 10 minutes anyway.
Simply turn off every ‘big light’ and celebrate in the glow of candles and fairy lights only. It will hide a multitude of sins.
If the aforementioned ‘big light’ tends to cause rows, remove the bulbs before everyone arrives and, if questioned, make a vague allusion to the energy bill and facing bankruptcy proceedings in the New Year.
17. Do not be tempted into last-minute Christmas decoration-buying or try to copy influencers’ bougie displays from Instagram. It never works.
In your head you’ll think you’re transforming your home into a winter wonderland befitting of Mariah herself, when really you’re just filling it with tat you can’t afford and will look like Homesense had a sneezing fit all over your house.
CHILDREN
18. Resign yourself to the fact that as magical as everyone thinks Christmas with children might be, there will inevitably be tantrums, tiredness and general chaos.
Rise above it, but also get prepared. Set up a room for them – preferably as far away from where you are as possible – that you sell as somewhere they can go to chill out, when really it’s the only way you’ll get a break from the little darlings.
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